One of the most common requests on the dating scene today occurs when a guy asks you for a photo. For those of you who want a confident response to this, I’m going to tell you exactly what to say when a guy asks you for photos.
If you are on the dating scene, christian or not, you have more than likely come across a guy who has inevitably asked you if you would send them more photos. For some of you, this is no big deal and you’re happy to comply and that’s all good. But if you’re anything like me, I find this to be such an annoying request especially after you’ve taken careful consideration to ensure your dating profile has all the correct shots. You’ve made sure to include a full body, hobby, headshot, and group photos, and you think you’ve done all the right things.
And then,,, it’s as if your efforts to comply with the dating app culturally accepted standard of having a well-rounded profile – whatever that means- instantly become not good enough further pounding into our heads that WE aren’t good enough. Dramatic much? maybe. But c’mon, what’s the point of taking time to carefully hand-select the best 6 photos of the past 3 years of our lives if it’s not being appreciated! – now I know I’m not the only one that has 3-year old photos on my profile, y’all don’t lie!
Why Guys Ask for Photos
I’m going to give you a couple reasons this happens.
- They simply don’t think they are doing anything wrong. This is dating in the digital age after-all, what’s the big deal?
- Some just want to be sure they are getting the most recent photos of you so they can be sure they will get exactly what they see when viewing your photos should you choose to take him up on a date.
- Some guys have been through enough dates where the woman didn’t look like her photos and it’s caused them to be cautious. Sometimes they think you may be too good to be true and are checking against catfish!
- Some guys want pics that you haven’t shown anybody else. They want something that’s just for them.
- Some guys crave beautiful women. It just does something for them. Lust is a very real problem for some men so once they have your attention, they feel like they have nothing to lose by asking.
- Some guys just want a bigger picture of your life. 6 photos can be difficult to judge a person by and they want to see what else you do with your life and photos usually tell a bigger story.
- Your pictures aren’t really clear. Sometimes we put up blurry or too many of the same type of photo that it makes it difficult for the guy to decipher what you really look like.
- And Lastly, there’s the type of guy who is testing you to see what he can get from you. Yes, even “christian” men do this. If they can get you to send them photos, they will continue to push boundaries and see what else you’ll give them.
The thing is, when you’re just meeting somebody and a guy asks you for a photo without any reason behind his ask, we have no idea what type of guy he is or which of the categories above he falls into. It’s our job to protect our own hearts and guard our peace and so I have a boundary that I do not send pictures to somebody I’m dating which I talked about in my post about setting christian dating boundaries.
The Reason to say no
Like I mentioned above, if you’re comfortable with sending photos to guys, this post isn’t for you so no need to debate whether we should or should not give in to this request as this is for the women who feel a bit… weird when asked for photos. Feelings are valid so that’s what I’m going to address.
Biblically speaking, I don’t think it is wise to fuel a man’s visual desire. Romans 14:13 calls us to this standard. “Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. While it’s not fair to assume that all men asking for your photo is going to stumble by way of lust, I think it’s a general rule of thumb to live by to keep our brothers pure by not giving into this request.
James 1:14 says, “but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed.” I think it’s better for us as christian women to err on the side of caution and not cause our brothers to be tempted.
What to say to a guy when he asks for photos
Alright, now we’re getting to the good part. like I mentioned in my setting boundaries post, the best way to communicate your boundary is to be playful. Here is what I say when I’m asked this question.
I don’t send photos to men who are not my boyfriend. But i’d be more than happy to meet you so you can see the real deal in person 😉
Now, what I love so much about my response is it does a couple things.
- It doesn’t say you’ll never send him a photo, it says he has to meet a certain standard first
- You eliminate any doubt if he’s thinking this is a catfish situation by agreeing to meet
- It communicates your standard without coming across as prude or disrespectful
- The winky face kind of softens the blow a bit so he knows you’re still down to have a good time even though you’re saying no.
Other responses to a guy asking you for photos
If for whatever reason you aren’t a fan of the response above, your other options are to simply say no. I always tell well women to find how they are feeling and respond to that versus responding to the situation. An honest response might look something like, “you know, that request doesn’t make me feel safe. I’m going to decline your request because I don’t like the way it made me feel.” A man should never argue your feelings.
You could also call him out and just ask him why he wants more photos. But if you go this route, please keep it friendly. I don’t ever want any of us to come across as condescending or mean spirited in our communications with our brothers in Christ. If it’s really bothering you, you could ask, “just out of curiosity, what is the intent behind your request? Some guys I know ask this for different reasons and I’m just genuinely curious what your reasons are.” The answer could surprise you and you might learn something new. If you do, please come back and share it in the comments below or message me so I can add it to our list above.
In closing, I hope you’ve found this response for when guys ask you for photos to be helpful and enlightening. Always always always speak with friendliness and perhaps over time, men will come to understand that this isn’t something they should ask a high value woman because he’ll know that she’s always going to answer with a polite no.
Bethany
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