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Christian Dating Questions

· Relationships

Singles gather ’round! Dating doesn’t need to be complicated yet we often find ourselves not knowing what to say or ask on a first date. This post will address some great questions to ask on a first date to help build your confidence in your dating life as well as questions to ask yourself to determine if you want to see him again with this list of christian dating questions.

Christian dating questions

For many of you, finding somebody worth dating is the hard part. If that’s you, girl, I feel you. So when a first date is finally on the horizon, you want to be as prepared as you can in order to let your confidence shine through. This post is all about asking christian dating questions the right way and preparing yourself to give the date the best possible chance of resulting in a second date.

Jordan’s story

I want to tell you about my friend Jordan who was preparing for a first date with a christian guy she met on upward. Jordan hadn’t been on a date since breaking up with her boyfriend a couple years prior. But now she was ready to get back on the dating horse and felt a little nervous at how to prepare. So she went to google and searched for “best questions for christian dating” into the search bar in an effort to get her mind in the right place.

Up popped several lists of questions and she clicked on the first list available. “These are great questions” she thought, so she made a mental note of all the questions that stood out to her. She even typed a few of them into her phone in case she needed to reference while on the date. Side note: I always recommend putting your phone out of sight during an interview but Jordan felt like it was a bit of a security blanket to have a phone with questions on it just in case the conversation were to stall.

And stall it did, so Jordan picks up her phone and says to the guy, “So how about we go through this list of questions I made?” “sure!” he replied. Initially he thought it was sweet of her to put some thought behind their date and he said it made him feel like she helped take the pressure off and was ready for a fun game of back and forth.

Instead, he was met with some really challenging questions. Questions that included things like “What’s the darkest part of your past I should know about? “Can you tell me about a time that you were scared? How did you deal with it?” “what is your biggest struggle right now?” Needless to say, the guy started closing off and ended the date soon after. She did not hear from him again.

Unbeknownst to Jordan at the time, the list she had actually landed on was “Best christian dating questions to ask after you’ve been together awhile.” Keyword being, awhile. Pretty sure the tail end of that title was cut off in the initial search so she only saw the first bit. My friends, these are not the questions to ask on a first date. In her mind, Jordan thought these were really good questions to ask somebody before moving forward with them but she failed to see how these were too personal for a first date. That’s why i’ve kept the list below to first date questions only.

First date questions:

Getting to know you

  1. Have you lived in this area for long?
  2. What brought you to this city?
  3. Do you have family nearby?
  4. How many siblings do you have?
  5. Are you able to see your family often?
  6. What church do you attend?
  7. Are you apart of any small groups or serving teams at that church?
  8. What do you do for work?
  9. What got you interested in that field?
  10. Are you happy with your career or is there something else you’d rather be doing?

Questions that leave an impression

First dates are all about getting to know somebody but the questions above may have already been asked during a texting exchange if you met on a dating app or if it’s somebody you’ve known for a time already. That’s why I’m including some more questions that will help leave an impression on the person you are dating.

  1. What place do you dream of visiting with your future spouse?
  2. What activity do you find fulfillment in doing?
  3. What talents did God give you? and are you currently using them?
  4. What seems to be the missing puzzle piece in your life right now?
  5. What impact do you hope to have on the world?
  6. What is your favorite verse in the Bible?
  7. What Bible character do you want to meet first when you get to heaven?
  8. Who do you look up to and admire most in your life? How so?
  9. What characteristics do you wish God gave you at birth?
  10. What life experiences have taught you the most lessons?

Questions to ask yourself about this person/date

So while you’re on the date, you’re going to be noticing things about this person and deciding if this attracts you or not. If you aren’t the type to immediately know in your spirit if this person is somebody you want to continue to see, you’ll want to ask yourself some questions before taking part in date #2. Some women need time to process dates in order to know how they feel and if that’s you, take your time and do not allow yourself to be rushed. Ask yourself these questions below and you’ll have a better idea if this is somebody you want to give another chance to.

  1. How did I feel in his presence? (comfortable, nervous, confident, enthusiastic, etc)
  2. What did I learn about him? his character?
  3. Do I know enough about him or am I going on a gut feeling/lack of chemistry?
  4. Was he engaged in our conversations and contributed equally?
  5. Is this somebody that my friends would like spending time around?

The point here is not to overwhelm yourself so I’ve kept these to only 5 questions. You want to first find how you feel and let that be your guide. If you are still unsure after taking some time to explore your feelings on this date by asking yourself these questions, there generally is no harm in following up for a second date. I know many couples whose first date lacked chemistry or was less than ideal and gave it another shot to become a power couple later down the road.

I hope you’ll use these questions to get to know somebody and I’d love for you to come back here and share your experiences in the comments below or send me a note to share your story!

Bethany

What to Say When a Guy Asks You for Photos

· Relationships

One of the most common requests on the dating scene today occurs when a guy asks you for a photo. For those of you who want a confident response to this, I’m going to tell you exactly what to say when a guy asks you for photos.

What to say when a guy asks you for photos

If you are on the dating scene, christian or not, you have more than likely come across a guy who has inevitably asked you if you would send them more photos. For some of you, this is no big deal and you’re happy to comply and that’s all good. But if you’re anything like me, I find this to be such an annoying request especially after you’ve taken careful consideration to ensure your dating profile has all the correct shots. You’ve made sure to include a full body, hobby, headshot, and group photos, and you think you’ve done all the right things.

And then,,, it’s as if your efforts to comply with the dating app culturally accepted standard of having a well-rounded profile – whatever that means- instantly become not good enough further pounding into our heads that WE aren’t good enough. Dramatic much? maybe. But c’mon, what’s the point of taking time to carefully hand-select the best 6 photos of the past 3 years of our lives if it’s not being appreciated! – now I know I’m not the only one that has 3-year old photos on my profile, y’all don’t lie!

Why Guys Ask for Photos

I’m going to give you a couple reasons this happens.

  1. They simply don’t think they are doing anything wrong. This is dating in the digital age after-all, what’s the big deal?
  2. Some just want to be sure they are getting the most recent photos of you so they can be sure they will get exactly what they see when viewing your photos should you choose to take him up on a date.
  3. Some guys have been through enough dates where the woman didn’t look like her photos and it’s caused them to be cautious. Sometimes they think you may be too good to be true and are checking against catfish!
  4. Some guys want pics that you haven’t shown anybody else. They want something that’s just for them.
  5. Some guys crave beautiful women. It just does something for them. Lust is a very real problem for some men so once they have your attention, they feel like they have nothing to lose by asking.
  6. Some guys just want a bigger picture of your life. 6 photos can be difficult to judge a person by and they want to see what else you do with your life and photos usually tell a bigger story.
  7. Your pictures aren’t really clear. Sometimes we put up blurry or too many of the same type of photo that it makes it difficult for the guy to decipher what you really look like.
  8. And Lastly, there’s the type of guy who is testing you to see what he can get from you. Yes, even “christian” men do this. If they can get you to send them photos, they will continue to push boundaries and see what else you’ll give them.

The thing is, when you’re just meeting somebody and a guy asks you for a photo without any reason behind his ask, we have no idea what type of guy he is or which of the categories above he falls into. It’s our job to protect our own hearts and guard our peace and so I have a boundary that I do not send pictures to somebody I’m dating which I talked about in my post about setting christian dating boundaries.

The Reason to say no

Like I mentioned above, if you’re comfortable with sending photos to guys, this post isn’t for you so no need to debate whether we should or should not give in to this request as this is for the women who feel a bit… weird when asked for photos. Feelings are valid so that’s what I’m going to address.

Biblically speaking, I don’t think it is wise to fuel a man’s visual desire. Romans 14:13 calls us to this standard. “Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. While it’s not fair to assume that all men asking for your photo is going to stumble by way of lust, I think it’s a general rule of thumb to live by to keep our brothers pure by not giving into this request.

James 1:14 says, “but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed.” I think it’s better for us as christian women to err on the side of caution and not cause our brothers to be tempted.

What to say to a guy when he asks for photos

Alright, now we’re getting to the good part. like I mentioned in my setting boundaries post, the best way to communicate your boundary is to be playful. Here is what I say when I’m asked this question.

I don’t send photos to men who are not my boyfriend. But i’d be more than happy to meet you so you can see the real deal in person 😉

Now, what I love so much about my response is it does a couple things.

  1. It doesn’t say you’ll never send him a photo, it says he has to meet a certain standard first
  2. You eliminate any doubt if he’s thinking this is a catfish situation by agreeing to meet
  3. It communicates your standard without coming across as prude or disrespectful
  4. The winky face kind of softens the blow a bit so he knows you’re still down to have a good time even though you’re saying no.

Other responses to a guy asking you for photos

If for whatever reason you aren’t a fan of the response above, your other options are to simply say no. I always tell well women to find how they are feeling and respond to that versus responding to the situation. An honest response might look something like, “you know, that request doesn’t make me feel safe. I’m going to decline your request because I don’t like the way it made me feel.” A man should never argue your feelings.

You could also call him out and just ask him why he wants more photos. But if you go this route, please keep it friendly. I don’t ever want any of us to come across as condescending or mean spirited in our communications with our brothers in Christ. If it’s really bothering you, you could ask, “just out of curiosity, what is the intent behind your request? Some guys I know ask this for different reasons and I’m just genuinely curious what your reasons are.” The answer could surprise you and you might learn something new. If you do, please come back and share it in the comments below or message me so I can add it to our list above.

In closing, I hope you’ve found this response for when guys ask you for photos to be helpful and enlightening. Always always always speak with friendliness and perhaps over time, men will come to understand that this isn’t something they should ask a high value woman because he’ll know that she’s always going to answer with a polite no.

Bethany

Boundaries in Christian Dating

· Relationships

Are you single and wondering how to set boundaries in your dating life as a christian? You’re not alone! This post will cover the steps you need to take to set your boundaries along with ways to communicate them to the men you’re dating.

Boundaries in Christian Dating

When it comes to setting boundaries in a christian dating scenario, it can seem rather daunting. Why? Well, because the mentality is that if you are a christian dating another christian, you shouldn’t need to have boundaries because everybody is on the same page. Unfortunately that just isn’t the case and I’m sure I’m not the only one who can attest to this.

Just because a man has “christian” listed on his dating app profile, does not automatically make him on the same page with us when it comes to dating the christian way. *Boundaries enters chat*

Perhaps you’ve landed here after experiencing a less than ideal dating situation with a man. Or hopefully, you’re here because you want to begin dating but want to be sure you have safeguards in place before opening yourself up to potential pitfalls. Either way, I’m so glad you’re here because setting boundaries isn’t something you can snap your figures at and magically have them in place. It takes practice, LOTS of practice. So that’s why I’ve written this post.

This guide below will help you approach dating with more confidence by exploring different ways to set boundaries along with examples to help you navigate your christian dating life.

1. Why do we need boundaries?

I don’t want to assume everybody thinks we need boundaries so I want to take a minute to talk about why this is important. Not only is it a wise thing to do, but setting boundaries is actually Biblical. Let’s flip to 1 Peter 5:8 which says “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” I love this verse because it tells me that we are to 1. be aware that the devil is actively searching for ways to destroy us and 2. we are given a direct order to be careful. If the author of Peter were writing this today, I imagine the verse would look something like, “Be careful, set boundaries, and protect yourself because Satan is coming.”

One of the biggest ways satan tries to destroy us is through relationships. There are many ways he can do this including but not limited to, disguising as a christian. Remember how in Matthew 4:6 he quotes scripture to Jesus in order to tempt him in the desert? Satan knows how to look like a christian! Without boundaries, we can easily fall prey into the hands of a man who looks like a christian, even acts like a christian but is not living for Jesus. And my dear sister, I do not want you with a man who doesn’t love Jesus. … *also Biblical* 😉

2. Where do I start to set boundaries?

The first thing I want you to do before discussing dating in boundaries, is to put on the armor of God. We are aware satan is coming for us and coming for our relationships, so the next verse I want to flip to is Ephesians 6:11 “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devils schemes” verse 14 goes on to say, “Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition, take up the shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.”

Ok, wow. That is a lot to unpack and as much as I’d like to dig into that, I need to stay in my lane. But I wanted you to read every word of that verse because God’s word has illuminated for us a roadmap to protect ourselves with, aka boundaries. It starts with putting getting into the Word daily and setting time aside each day with Jesus so that we have His protection first. If you aren’t already establishing this crucial habit, I can’t recommend it highly enough. If you are already doing this and thinking, alright I have that step down, but now what? Please proceed to GO where you can collect your $200, I mean, continue reading.

3. What Physical Boundaries Should I Set?

Alright ladies, it’s about to get real. The Bible is very clear on this. Sex is for marriage only. This includes ANY sexual activity between a man and a woman who are not legally married to one another. Side note: If you’ve messed up in this area, God doesn’t love you any less; His grace is sufficient and you are forgiven! If you are a christian and you struggle with this, I want to encourage you to go back to step #2. Practice putting on the armor of God, allowing your love for Him to overtake anything you desire here on earth, I promise you will be filled with so much peace that you won’t want to be *ahem* filled with anything else. (did I really just say that? yes, yes I did).

The good news is that the Bible doesn’t have any hard and fast rules for kissing, hand holding, cuddling etc. So here is what I would tell you to do. Ask yourself, “Would engaging in X physical affection bring glory to God?” “Would I be disrespecting God or the man I’m dating with the physical action I want to take?” Use this as a guiding principle and allow the Holy Spirit to light your path. Is there anything wrong with these things? No, I don’t believe so but it can be a slippery slope and I believe it’s our duty as Christian women to set good examples for others, protect our hearts as best as we can and respect each and every man we come across as the Son of God he is. The way you choose to set that boundary should reflect the respect you have for your own body and the love you have in your heart for Jesus.

4. What Other Boundaries should I set?

Ladies, I hate to tell you this, but the more you date, the more boundaries you’ll need to set because men will tend to put you in situations you didn’t quite prepare for. Let me give you an example. I have a boundary that I will not travel to the man’s hometown for a first date; he needs to come to me. I do this out of safety to be sure I’m close-by to people I trust should I feel unsafe during a date. I never would have thought to make this a boundary until a friend of mine traveled out of town for a date and ended up getting sick and had to stay in an unfamiliar town with no support. yikes! Boundary now drawn.

Here are some other examples of boundaries that I’ve compiled between my own experience and that of my friends so feel free to take these or leave them as boundaries will vary from person to person. If you have questions about these specifically, please send me a note and I’ll be happy to go into further detail.

*don’t send pictures of yourself if a guy asks for them

*don’t travel out of town for a date

*don’t pay on a first date

*don’t have dates after 9pm

*don’t make plans first, he makes the plans

*don’t ask where this is going, he needs to do that

*don’t say I love you first

*don’t invest in him until he invests in you first

*don’t tease him by talk of a sexual nature

*don’t call him, he can call you

*don’t cancel plans to spend time with him

I’ll stop there for now but it’s important that you understand what you will and won’t allow in your dating life. Your list will look different and that’s totally ok! I just want to challenge you to take a piece of paper and actually write them down. Hold yourself accountable to what you have agreed to do or not do because our goal is to glorify God and these are just helpful guardrails to keep us on track with that ultimate goal. You will add to this list over time and that’s a good thing.

5. How do I communicate my boundaries?

You might be saying, Bethany, I understand why I should set boundaries, I’m putting on the armor of God, I’ve made my list of boundaries, now what? How do I communicate this without coming across like I have a list of hoops for the man to jump through. Great question! You should know in full disclosure that I have two degrees in communication and I’m still learning the best ways to do this. Why? It’s because every man is different. But if I had to give you one hard and fast rule, it’s this. Be playful! No man wants a minefield of rules he has to navigate through to get to you.

Here is an example on how to be playful when you communicate your boundary:

Man: Let’s meet in my hometown, I have a great spot I’d love to take you to.

Me: Ooh! that sounds wonderful, yet traveling out of town makes me feel unsafe right now. If you came here, I’ll take you to my favorite spot and hint, they have the best cheesecake in town, totally worth the drive 😉

In this example, you state that traveling out of town makes you feel unsafe. What guy can argue that? If he were to push back on this, we all would tell you to run sister! A man is designed to protect and if your safety isn’t in his top list of priorities, I shutter to think how he’d treat you in a real relationship. But the point is, state what you want or how you feel and follow it up with a suggestion then offer a token of gratitude. Practice your boundaries like this and you’ll no doubt start to feel more confident which will ultimately reflect back to the man you’re dating.

Closing

Setting boundaries in Christian dating gets a little easier with practice. While the topic is too large to cover in one single blog post, I hope this outline gives you a little more clarity about what it should look like. What do you think? Drop a note in the comments below or send me a message to discuss further. Happy dating everybody!

Bethany

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