The Conquering Confidence Blog

The christian woman's ultimate resource to building self-esteem & demonstrating value

Christian Dating Questions

· Relationships

Singles gather ’round! Dating doesn’t need to be complicated yet we often find ourselves not knowing what to say or ask on a first date. This post will address some great questions to ask on a first date to help build your confidence in your dating life as well as questions to ask yourself to determine if you want to see him again with this list of christian dating questions.

Christian dating questions

For many of you, finding somebody worth dating is the hard part. If that’s you, girl, I feel you. So when a first date is finally on the horizon, you want to be as prepared as you can in order to let your confidence shine through. This post is all about asking christian dating questions the right way and preparing yourself to give the date the best possible chance of resulting in a second date.

Jordan’s story

I want to tell you about my friend Jordan who was preparing for a first date with a christian guy she met on upward. Jordan hadn’t been on a date since breaking up with her boyfriend a couple years prior. But now she was ready to get back on the dating horse and felt a little nervous at how to prepare. So she went to google and searched for “best questions for christian dating” into the search bar in an effort to get her mind in the right place.

Up popped several lists of questions and she clicked on the first list available. “These are great questions” she thought, so she made a mental note of all the questions that stood out to her. She even typed a few of them into her phone in case she needed to reference while on the date. Side note: I always recommend putting your phone out of sight during an interview but Jordan felt like it was a bit of a security blanket to have a phone with questions on it just in case the conversation were to stall.

And stall it did, so Jordan picks up her phone and says to the guy, “So how about we go through this list of questions I made?” “sure!” he replied. Initially he thought it was sweet of her to put some thought behind their date and he said it made him feel like she helped take the pressure off and was ready for a fun game of back and forth.

Instead, he was met with some really challenging questions. Questions that included things like “What’s the darkest part of your past I should know about? “Can you tell me about a time that you were scared? How did you deal with it?” “what is your biggest struggle right now?” Needless to say, the guy started closing off and ended the date soon after. She did not hear from him again.

Unbeknownst to Jordan at the time, the list she had actually landed on was “Best christian dating questions to ask after you’ve been together awhile.” Keyword being, awhile. Pretty sure the tail end of that title was cut off in the initial search so she only saw the first bit. My friends, these are not the questions to ask on a first date. In her mind, Jordan thought these were really good questions to ask somebody before moving forward with them but she failed to see how these were too personal for a first date. That’s why i’ve kept the list below to first date questions only.

First date questions:

Getting to know you

  1. Have you lived in this area for long?
  2. What brought you to this city?
  3. Do you have family nearby?
  4. How many siblings do you have?
  5. Are you able to see your family often?
  6. What church do you attend?
  7. Are you apart of any small groups or serving teams at that church?
  8. What do you do for work?
  9. What got you interested in that field?
  10. Are you happy with your career or is there something else you’d rather be doing?

Questions that leave an impression

First dates are all about getting to know somebody but the questions above may have already been asked during a texting exchange if you met on a dating app or if it’s somebody you’ve known for a time already. That’s why I’m including some more questions that will help leave an impression on the person you are dating.

  1. What place do you dream of visiting with your future spouse?
  2. What activity do you find fulfillment in doing?
  3. What talents did God give you? and are you currently using them?
  4. What seems to be the missing puzzle piece in your life right now?
  5. What impact do you hope to have on the world?
  6. What is your favorite verse in the Bible?
  7. What Bible character do you want to meet first when you get to heaven?
  8. Who do you look up to and admire most in your life? How so?
  9. What characteristics do you wish God gave you at birth?
  10. What life experiences have taught you the most lessons?

Questions to ask yourself about this person/date

So while you’re on the date, you’re going to be noticing things about this person and deciding if this attracts you or not. If you aren’t the type to immediately know in your spirit if this person is somebody you want to continue to see, you’ll want to ask yourself some questions before taking part in date #2. Some women need time to process dates in order to know how they feel and if that’s you, take your time and do not allow yourself to be rushed. Ask yourself these questions below and you’ll have a better idea if this is somebody you want to give another chance to.

  1. How did I feel in his presence? (comfortable, nervous, confident, enthusiastic, etc)
  2. What did I learn about him? his character?
  3. Do I know enough about him or am I going on a gut feeling/lack of chemistry?
  4. Was he engaged in our conversations and contributed equally?
  5. Is this somebody that my friends would like spending time around?

The point here is not to overwhelm yourself so I’ve kept these to only 5 questions. You want to first find how you feel and let that be your guide. If you are still unsure after taking some time to explore your feelings on this date by asking yourself these questions, there generally is no harm in following up for a second date. I know many couples whose first date lacked chemistry or was less than ideal and gave it another shot to become a power couple later down the road.

I hope you’ll use these questions to get to know somebody and I’d love for you to come back here and share your experiences in the comments below or send me a note to share your story!

Bethany

Affirmations for Confidence

· Spiritual Growth

Are you searching for ways to build your confidence? Reading these affirmations for confidence is a great way to speak life into yourself and allow yourself to believe the things that make you so beautiful and cherished.

Affirmations for Confidence

Do you ever wish somebody would just inject you with confidence? Like, wouldn’t it be nice to receive it as a daily vitamin? Maybe one day somebody smarter than me will create such product. Until then, I have the next best thing. The following list of affirmations for confidence is the daily boost of soul healing you need to remind yourself of how powerful and magnificent you are but first lets talk about the good and the bad.

Are affirmations Biblical?

If you love Jesus, you are probably like me and tend to avoid anything that comes across as new-age or avoid practicing things which don’t point directly to Christ. A common misconception amongst Christians is that giving yourself affirmation isn’t Biblical because the thinking goes, God gives you what you need, therefore you don’t need to give to yourself. Additionally, you don’t want to make yourself an idol by praising yourself because God is the only one to be praised.

While those things are absolutely true, unfortunately being a Christ-follower doesn’t come pre-packaged with confidence and you should never feel bad for lacking self-confidence because you are a christian. We are human beings who experience the rise and fall of emotions and life experiences that affect us no regardless of where we place our faith. In other words, being a christian doesn’t make you immune to things like lack of self-esteem and confidence.

So to combat this, I think the best thing we can do is to affirm ourselves as who God says we are. We know from scripture that God is for us and as long as we give God the honor, we have permission to affirm and reinforce the person God created us to be. On top of that, I’d like to point you to the book of Psalms where David did both Praise God and affirm the person God created him to be. Just look at Psalms 16 to see how David did this.

How do affirmations help?

For one thing, affirming your confidence will only help if you say them consistently. For example, telling yourself one time that you are powerful isn’t going to change much. But if you consistently tell yourself over and over, day after day that you are powerful, eventually you believe it. Eventually you will own that part of yourself because it’s not something you just simply believe anymore, it becomes more than that. It becomes part of your characteristic makeup. Part of your essence.

Affirmations for confidence help in the sense that it builds trust in yourself and the One who created you. How many times do you second-guess yourself about something only to believe it once somebody else validates it for you. We look to other people to affirm all kinds of things about us but we overlook the one person we should be affirming which is ourselves.

How are affirmations harmful?

This will not come as a surprise to you when I say that we should be careful about which affirmations we enforce to ourselves. In my post what is self-esteem and why is it important, I talk about how we are to be accurate in our assessments of abilities, character and talents. I think there is a big difference between affirming things we desire to be true, and trying to affirm things which can never be true. Let me give you an example.

I’m not an artist. Not by a long shot. I can’t even draw stick figures correctly in a game of Telestrations. I know this about myself and I’m comfortable with this fact. But if I were to affirm to myself, “Bethany you are such a great artist. you are capable of being a great artist” This would be damaging to me because it’s a lie. This is simply not my gift in life.

The point of using affirmations is to build trust with yourself, not lie about your capabilities! You do not want to get caught up in affirming a lie about yourself because that doesn’t get you anywhere so when you read through these affirmations, be sure to first check for any which do not apply to you.

How to practice affirmations

Some of this is going to come down to personal preference but the good news is that there are many ways to get comfortable with affirming yourself if one method doesn’t feel good to you. Some choose to stand in front of a mirror and say it out loud, some prefer to sit quietly and read them over and over. Some prefer to write them down daily. Others like to incorporate it into their prayer life.

Whatever you choose, I recommend staying consistent with that method. The more you practice in the same way in the same spot the more you will look forward to your tiny slice of “me” time and come to regard it as special and sacred. The trick is to repeat them however many times you need to but 3x minimum works best.

Don’t worry if this feels a little weird if you haven’t tried it. It may feel uncomfortable because you aren’t used to receiving this much praise in such a short amount of time. But I just ask you to try it especially the ones you struggle with. Try journaling how you feel before and after the exercise and chart it out over time so you can see how this might be helping you to grow your confidence.

I purposefully kept this list to 35 affirmations because I think sometimes any more than that can be overwhelming. One thing I like to do is take 5 at a time and only focus on 5 affirmations daily for 30 days as a way to reinforce these truths within a reasonable time.

Affirmations

  1. I am fearfully and wonderfully made
  2. I am loved
  3. I am enough
  4. I am worthy
  5. I am God’s masterpiece
  6. I am chosen
  7. I am powerful
  8. I am forgiven
  9. I am capable
  10. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
  11. I can do hard things
  12. I can delegate
  13. I can survive
  14. I can flourish
  15. I can be confident
  16. I can grow
  17. I can prosper
  18. I can succeed
  19. I have wisdom
  20. I have freedom
  21. I have permission to be me
  22. I have the right to say how I feel
  23. I have God’s protection over my life
  24. God fights for me
  25. God cherishes me
  26. God waits for me
  27. God forgives me
  28. God is patient with me
  29. I give myself grace
  30. I give of myself to others
  31. I give generously
  32. I respect myself
  33. I value myself
  34. I choose how to respond
  35. I choose God’s will over my own

Closing

Have you tried giving affirmations of confidence to yourself? Tell us how it worked for you in the comments below. If you’d like to see an affirmations for confidence plan, let me know in the comment section or send me a note so I can help.

Bethany

5 Ways to be Confident in an Interview

· Career

Are you currently interviewing for jobs but feeling overwhelmed? The post below will cover 5 ways to be more confident in an interview so that you have the absolute best chances of getting the job.

5 Ways to be Confident in an Interview

So you’ve submitted application after application and you’ve finally landed an interview. Congratulations! That’s often the toughest part is to just get seen by somebody. No matter if this is your first or 100th interview, they all can be very intimidating so I’m going to cover 5 ways to be more confident in an interview to help give you an edge over the competition.

1. Do your research

One of the best ways you can be confident in an interview is to know the company you are interviewing at. This may seem like an obvious thing to do but in my experience, many people either don’t do any research at all, or they scan the website for 10 minutes and call it a day. Hate to break it to ya ladies, but this is not research.

A common question you may get asked will be, “why do you want to work for us?” and as much as I want to roll my eyes up and say “because I need a job” that is not the answer that will get you employed. You cannot answer this very common question without doing your research. Here are a couple ways you can research the company.

  1. Look at their current stock price and history to see if it was a stable, growing or declining company.
  2. Look through financial statements and see if they made their numbers last quarter or not.
  3. Review the products or services they offer and put yourself in the shoes of the customer. What do you like or not like about them? How would you improve them?
  4. Look up the company on glassdoor and read the reviews left by employees. Are they good reviews? bad? what things stick out to you?
  5. Look up their mission, vision and about section on their website. What parts of those statements resonate with you?
  6. Look up the hiring managers on LinkedIn and search their profiles for commonalities. Maybe you attended the same schools or have similar hobbies and interests.
  7. Search youtube and google images for any videos/images that might give you a look into their office to give you an idea of the culture.

After taking the time to do the above you should have a solid understanding of what type of company they are, where they are heading and if you see yourself in a place like that. This way when the question “why do you want to work here?” comes up you can confidently say something like,

“you know It’s important to me to work for a company that has a healthy environment and long term strategy for success. After pouring over some of the company documents like tax history and financial statements and seeing a steady incline over the last 8 months, I feel great about investing in my future here. Additionally, I took the time to read your employees thoughts on a public website and I was pleased to see how favorable the comments were. It has given me the assurance I need and I’m excited more than ever to be apart of your company moving forward.”

2. Dress for the part

I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to dress well for an interview. We all know that when you feel good on the outside, you feel great on the inside. This can also be one of the most stressful parts of the interview and you haven’t even gotten there yet!

This is also why it’s important to do your research first. Are they a casual company? formal business attire? Is this a mom and pop where you know will be treated like family? These all play a role in how you should dress for your interview. I’ve heard people say it’s better to over-dress than under-dress which is true, however as somebody who has sat on hiring panels I can tell you that if a candidate walks in super over-dressed, the assumption is that this person did not take the time to understand the company and wouldn’t be a good cultural fit.

Ladies, now is a good time to ensure you have one outfit that FITS WELL and can be dressed up or down that you have in your closet that you can rely on should you find yourself in need of a good interview outfit. Let me tell you about the time I interviewed with Calvin Klein. Yes, the designer. Now you tell me what the heck does one wear to interview with Calvin freaking Klein?!?! I felt at such a loss. I had to be fashionable or else I’d be laughed out the door, but fashion isn’t my thing…like,, it really isn’t. I just thought it’d be cool to work for a big company I should have thought that one through before I applied.

Let me tell you, I spent a solid week shopping for the perfect outfit that didn’t exist and it stressed me out so bad that I considered canceling the interview. (talk about having low confidence!) Thankfully, a dear friend of mine came over to my house and said, “let’s just see what you’ve got.” She pulled out a white button down shirt with a collar as plain-Jane as it gets and I was like, “really? A white shirt?” She said “yes, a white shirt is always professional and it goes with everything especially tasteful jewelry we just need to find something to pair it with.” Here I was searching for some magical blouse or dress-type-thing but everything was either too formal or too business-like or way too casual.

Since I didn’t have anything else in my closet, she took me to her favorite shop, made me wait outside until she had found a really nice, camel-colored, leather pencil skirt and told me to come in and try it on with my white shirt. I pulled open the curtain to the dressing room to hear her squeal “YES! that’s it! Well, maybe tuck your shirt in first. There you go, now we just need a pair of camel colored pumps and my work here is done.”

She was so proud of herself and I was too! Thank goodness for good friends who have better taste in clothes than I do! I never would have pulled a leather pencil skirt off a rack but I must say she had great taste and I made sure to tell her so when the interviewer complimented my outfit. – Didn’t get the job, but at least I felt confident that I could get the job because I knew I looked the part. So moral of the story is, if you don’t have a good outfit, get a good friend with good taste!

Prepare and practice over and over

Ok, you’ve done your research and you’ve picked out your outfit. Now it’s time to dig into interview questions. Because if you are unemployed currently, this is your job until you get a job. There are so many youtube videos on common interview questions and answers that there is no excuse to show up to any interview unprepared. You can search interview questions for big companies, small companies, family-owned companies, etc. This is the time to define your elevator pitch where you can describe who you are as a professional in 30 seconds or less.

This is important because feeling prepared will give you a confidence boost you didn’t even know you needed until you’re sitting there getting hit with questions left and right. You don’t want to be a deer in the headlights, you want to be at the point where you look forward to what question they ask next because you know you will have a great answer.

The other thing you need to know is how to prepare. If you are working with HR or a recruiter, you should always ask them this question. “If you were me, and you had X amount of time until the interview, how would you prepare?” and “Is there anything about the interview process I should be aware of?” These folks are usually pretty helpful and will give you extra insight if you ask for it. But this is when you can find out if they will ask behavioral type questions, or if they need you to prepare any documents ahead of time. The STAR method is becoming a popular way to interview so make sure you know what type of interview it will be.

Listen Listen Listen

One of the reasons we tend towards not feeling confident in an interview is because we are so much in our head that we don’t listen to what’s being said. If you’re anything like me, you might be sitting there nodding at what they are saying, looking them in the eye, but thinking about everything else. Thinking about what they might ask next, thinking about if my answer to the last question was good enough, thinking about what their body language is communicating and trying to gauge how interested they are in me and… you get the point.

I know that this over-thinking thing happens all the time in life, not just during interviews but this distraction can and often does, prevent you from walking into situations like interviews with full confidence. I want you to practice listening in your conversations leading up to your interview. Get into the habit of really listening and then taking a pause before you respond. This takes some practice but I can tell you as somebody who interviews candidates, I’m usually far more impressed with those that take a minute to breathe/think and then give a thoughtful, concise answer versus those that immediately speak because they have to get what’s up in their head, out of their head.

These are the types of people that tend to ramble, or don’t know when to stop answering the question. Your responses should always get straight to the point and be answered in under a minute or less. Anything longer than that and the interviewers will stop listening. So when you are practicing in your normal everyday conversations at work or at home, try to make a conscious effort to make your responses under 60 seconds. By the time you get to the interview, you’re going to feel more confident knowing you are good at giving concise answers that directly answer the questions you’re being asked.

Ask the interviewers these great questions

Hopefully you’ve followed the first 4 steps which have prepared you to be more confident in the interview by the time it’s your turn to ask the questions. But if you’re still not feeling confident, this is THE point in the interview where putting your confidence on full display can turn things around for the better. Usually in almost every interview, the interview will say, “This has been a good conversation, now do you have any questions for us?”

This is the part where you say “yes I do” and you open your portfolio that you made sure to bring with you which holds your resume, business card, and notepad with some prepared questions. Now, you’ll want to start by asking them questions that came up during the conversation. Something along the lines of “during our conversation you mentioned X about the company. I’d like to know how you would expect me to tackle that issue.” NOTICE: I didn’t phrase this as a question. I made a statement and then stated I want to know your response, versus saying, “how would you expect me to respond?” When you take questions and phrase them as statements, you come across with authority. Not only does this give you confidence, but it lets the interviewer know that you have confidence if they were to give you this role.

If you’ve done all of the above and still feel like you’re lacking confidence, I want you to ask this as your final question. “After meeting with me and getting to know my capabilities, what concerns do you have about putting me in this role?” This gives them the opportunity to be honest with you especially if they are on the fence. They might give you an honest response and say, well actually we are concerned about X and in which case you get one last shot to correct them or put their fears to rest about hiring you. Hopefully they will be impressed with how confident you are and move you through to the next phase.

I hope these 5 ways to be confident in an interview will help you as you reach for that next step in your career. Have you tried these and implemented them in your interview process? Let us know in the comments below so we can all learn from your experience. If you have any questions regarding these steps feel free to contact me and I’ll be happy to help.

Bethany

The Best Bible Verses for Confidence

· Spiritual Growth

Want to know what the Bible has to say about Confidence? Look no further because I’ve compiled the best Bible verses on confidence for that time when you need a boost of encouragement.

Best Bible Verses for Confidence
Best Bible Verses for Confidence

If you’re anything like me, sometimes you just need that little boost of confidence because life can be difficult! Knowing where to turn to can make all the difference. But the first place we should be turning to as Christian women is the Bible which is why I’m putting all the best Bible verses for confidence in one place together to make it a little easier next time you need some encouragement straight from the Word of God.

The verses below answer some of the questions that often come up when we are talking about confidence like, where does confidence come from? How do I find my confidence? What if I don’t feel confident? Keep reading to see how the Bible approaches this subject and don’t forget to comment with your thoughts!

Hebrews 11:1 | How big is your faith?

“Now Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see”. I love this verse because it’s comparing and equating faith to confidence. Meaning, you can’t have one without the other. You can’t have confidence without faith and you can’t have faith without confidence. When I get asked how to get more confidence or how to be more confident, the first thing I’ll respond with is, “Well, how big is your faith?”.

You see, the more we put our hope, trust, and our lives into God’s hands, the more confidence we build. Why? well it’s because when we are too busy making decisions centered on ourselves, often times those end up being bad decisions. No wonder we lack confidence! those things rarely work out for us and if we had just done them God’s way or did what God was calling us to do, the outcome would look much better.

So over time after doing this over and over, it’s difficult for us to have confidence in ourselves when we can’t point to good outcomes from decisions we’ve made. As a result, our confidence level is capped at a certain amount. It can only get so high. Spend time in the Word so you can reap the benefits of having the skillset (confidence) you need in life.

2 Timothy 1:7 | You already have confidence

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.” This may be my favorite verse of all time. There is so much to unpack here but let me start with this. God did not give you a spirit of timidness because God himself is not timid, nor does He have a spirit of fear. Remember, we are created in God’s image so I like to ask myself whenever I’m feeling doubt in myself or lacking confidence, “If God did not give me a spirit of timidness, where is this coming from?”

Here is the best part of this verse though, “Power, love and self-discipline”. The spirit of these three are such a beautiful gift when you think about what all that means and the power you have living inside of you.

Think about it, when you are living and making decisions with this verse written on your heart, how different would our lives be? How would the world change if each of us approached every life decision with the attitude that we have God-given power, love and self-discipline? I can’t think of a more encouraging verse when it comes to realizing that we have confidence already inside of us, than 2 Timothy 1:7

Philippians 4:13 You can do this!

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” If you’ve grown up in church, you’ve probably had this verse memorized since childhood and even if you didn’t grow up in church, you’ve more than likely heard this verse several times before. It’s because it’s encouraging and easy to memorize. But what happens to verses we hear all the time is we tend to become a bit numb to it. It gets overused in some cases so the reason I’ve brought it back to life in this post is because I want you to take a few things away from it.

  1. you ARE capable.
  2. dream big
  3. you’re not doing this alone

In the last verse we talked about the power you’ve been given by God. Now would be a good time to draw upon that as we explore these facts. When you have God behind you there is nothing you can’t do. I love the scene in the Lion King when baby Simba is trying to roar at the hyenas to scare them. But every time he tried, a little “rawr” would squeak out.

The Hyenas are closing in on him as he tries again, “rawr” he chokes. In the final moment before the hyenas are about to pounce, he tries one last time and all of a sudden the strongest ROAR is heard and the hyenas scatter. Simba looks behind him to see his father roaring on his behalf.

This scene demonstrates how even when we give our best effort, it might not be enough. But God. Our father gives us strength, he stands tall behind us roaring on our behalf stepping in for us when we are too weak. My sister, you are capable, so dream big, you’ve got the Power of God standing behind you which means you can do anything. Stand confident in this promise.

1 John 5:14-15 | You can ask for confidence!

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask- we know that we have what we asked of him.” This verse is in context to prayer. I want to be clear that God is not a genie in a bottle. He doesn’t give us what we want just because we asked for it. God doesn’t work that way.

I really should underscore the part in the verse that says “according to his will” because let’s face it, we usually ask for things which are outside of God’s will for our lives. Like that time I prayed and asked God for a job which was .5x my salary and would give me a huge leg up in my career. God slammed that door shut so hard, it’s still ringing in my ears as a reminder that God knows best because that was not his will for my life.

That said, if you were to pray for confidence I believe that IS according to God’s will. How do I know that? Just scroll up to the verses we’ve covered already. He created us to be confident so asking for more confidence is well within His power to give you. Just keep in mind that God has a sense of humor. If you ask for more confidence He just might give you a situation to grow your confidence you didn’t ask for! You’ve been warned. 🙂

Psalm 139:14 | Your confidence is unique

“I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works; and I know this very well.” Such beautiful words that touch me so deeply it became the inspiration for this blog. You may have noticed I use this verse on my about page because I believe every word of it and I love celebrating the uniqueness we all bring to the Body of Christ.

What I want you to understand sweet sister, is that God designed you so uniquely. There is nobody that can replace you. Nobody can be you, not even the best actress on the planet can play you. What you bring to your community, your family, your job, your friend circle, was specifically designed by God. The way you care for others, the way you plan and organize, the way you nurture and foster children, the way you work so hard, these things that make up your character will fuel your confidence.

Sister, this is a call to purpose, not just poetic words on a page written a long time ago. This truth is alive and living inside of you. Your confidence shines through when you give your world the very best of your talents and gifts because you are walking in your purpose, just how God designed you.

Closing

I hope these verses have encouraged you in the area of building your confidence. The thing is, I can tell you all day long how precious and valuable you are, yet when we see the words left to us by our father, it carries so much more meaning. If it’s difficult for you to believe in this, I want you to drop me a note so that I can help you understand just how true these words really are.

Bethany

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